I am, as everyone is, searching for Truth in the world.
Ask me anything
Searching for purpose.
Trying to find a balance.
Join me on my journey if you dare.
Though I warn you, you may not like what I have to say.
The future does not exist, because nobody has ever experienced it. You can only ever experience a present moment. The future is a mental projection that you are having in the present moment.
— Eckhart Tolle
All I know is …it doesn’t matter.
There’s a new future waiting for me out there somewhere.
A future with my Little Fishy.
My beautiful Little Fishy that I love so much.
That’s what matters.
My pain doesn’t change how I feel in the end. I don’t have any anger or hatred towards him. I still love him in my own way. The same as I love my best friends no matter what we’ve been through. I almost wish I didn’t care about him so much so I could make the situation easier for everyone else and let him disappear completely from my life.
Even if I wanted to let him out of my life it wouldn’t be fair to my Fishy…Who deserves to know him…and I know he can be a good father, in his own way.
“I know today seems like a good day for it…but it’s really not. So why not just die another day. Okay? If you wait we can even do it together.”
A day that started out okay quickly became incredibly stressful.
If only I knew better ways to cope with stress.
Almost nothing anyone has ever told me to try has ever worked and smoking is out, unless I’m willing to oxygen deprive my baby. Which I am not.
Cutting…well…I just keep telling myself that if I hurt myself in any way I am hurting my baby. That is the one thing I never want to do.
Makes it a lot harder on me.
Even being stressed hurts my baby.
My poor little fishy.
I wish I could be better for you.
Not stressed. Not depressed.
I am trying.
I really am.